Santa Claus Training Secrets Revealed
Before I break down his training I have to first start with an analysis of his respective “Sport” just as I would with any other athlete I would work with.
Santa has one sporting event per year, rather obvious, yes I know. This one even brings with it a few different demands:
- Controlling the reigns of his sleigh
- Getting up and down thousands of chimneys
- Carrying that bag of toys everywhere
Because of the high demands of his sport, Santa has to train hard throughout the off-season. Specifically Santa works on a few different things:
- Explosiveness in his lower body
- Shoulder stability
- Pulling strength
Santa is probably on a well-structured, periodized program to allow for max performance on his big night of delivering happiness. Just like the graph below, I’m assuming Santa has a plan for how many reps of weights and plyometrics he will do each week.
Early on in his long night of delivering presents I’m betting that Santa simply jumps down the chimney, drops off presents, picks up his cookies and milk, and jumps back up the chimney.
Clearly, jumping down the chimney from the roof will cause a lot of stress to Santa’s body and that is why Santa does depth drops from the second story of his workshop focusing on landing with soft knees so he can absorb the ground force efficiently and not blow out his knees like he must have done during the Great Depression because you know that nobody got presents that year.
Landing from his jump down the chimney is one thing, but how does Santa get back up the chimney?
To train for that aspect of his night Santa obviously does a lot plyometric training (Jump training for you beginners out there), Olympic lifting and some heavy strength work. I’m thinking he would work a bunch of depth jumps (In addition to his depth drops) and squat jumps and follow that up with some power cleans or snatches, some deep back squats or deadlifts and work on his hamstrings with some heavy RDLs and Glute Ham Raises.
Santa has to have a tremendous amount of explosiveness in his lower body to do all of this, but with a sensible, well-thought training plan, I’m sure he can make it happen.
As the night goes on, however, I’m sure that Santa starts to fatigue and this affects his jumping ability a great deal.
When Santa gets too tired to jump up the chimney he simply climbs up it. To train for this it is pretty clear to me that Santa does plenty of pull ups and chin ups. Not only that, but he probably has a chimney climbing wall in his workshop. Similar to a rock climbing wall I’d imagine, but instead with a bunch of bricks.
The training we’ve discussed thus far takes care of the issue of the chimney, but what about him dealing with his sleigh and the bag of toys?
To handle the reigns and control those reindeer Santa works a lot with battle ropes performing different slams, circles, and drummers.
In order to lift that bag of toys over and over again Santa does a bunch of sand bag work and focuses on lifting heavy items from the floor. I’m sure he also practices lifting a heavy bag of coal just in case there are tons of naughty kids that year.
There are two more things of note in regards to Santa’s preparation for Christmas:
- What he does to ensure nobody hears him at night
- What he does with the milk and cookies
I’m not sure about you, but I’ve never heard Santa come to my house, but yet he delivers the goods. How does he do this? How does he train for this? The answer is quite obvious: Santa trains with ninjas.
There is really no other explanation I can come up with for his level of sneakiness in the homes of millions of people.
In regards to the milk and cookies the answer to what he does with them is quite obvious as well. Santa eats the cookies and drinks the milk, duh. You knew this and I knew this, but he also mixes in his whey protein powder into his milk to serve as a nice post workout shake. The cookies add some simple sugars to help replenish his muscle glycogen stores that were most definitely depleted during his long night of exercise.
So there you have it. Santa Claus’s training secrets have been revealed.
What do you think Santa does to prepare for Christmas?